well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
True college students do jello shots in the library
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
