this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
