If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
