I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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