So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
