i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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