Porn is love you can see.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
why is half of my head shaved?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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