So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
