i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
