Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
