think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
