I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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