watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
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