you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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