i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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