I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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