Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
