Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
