I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
