What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
