Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
