Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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