the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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