When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
