so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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