I just cut my nipple shaving
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
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