That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
