i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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