i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
