you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
