I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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