Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
