Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
