Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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