ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
