did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
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