oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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