My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
i now understand why vodka
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
