Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
