no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I had to cum in my sink.
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