It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
