He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
