i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
