Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
