May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
did you just send me my own nude
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Randomize
