He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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