i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
