I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
