he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
