did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
