I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
