i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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