So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
