Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
