Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
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