im gay
i know
yea but for you.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
